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Monthly Archives: novembre 2009

oh so i saw you today. you used to look cute before… yea, cute like these dudes that girls my age say « Oh il est beau » when they see them. i saw you today… you don’t even look human anymore. you look like a desperate dead thing. why did i even bother saying hi? i even smiled… oh and you smiled too. nothing in your behavior could let people guess all the shit you said behind my back. non justified stuff… only based on what you would like to be true. i was mad… but i saw you today and thought. look at him, no more wife, no more kids, all that keep you alive are those young girls that hang in the streets waiting for people like you, waiting for your money… i was mad, i was thinking. oh the dude doesn’t even know me, he’s not my age, i don’t hang with him… how could he go and assume stuff like that on me..and go tell people? i swear i was mad. but now… all i can do for you is pity you. look at you… seriously. don’t you feel like rewinding everything? don’t you regret all the things you did? obviously you don’t… you are still doing them. and every day that goes by, you look 20 years older. these young girls are just killing you slowly, and yet… you’re the immoral one. doing stuff that 2 years ago i didn’t even know were possible. i guess i grew up, and realized life is not so pink and people just aren’t the way they seem to be. these girls are eating you up… finishing both your money and your life. but i’m still blaming you. you’re the one they should just drop and let die in a prison cell… but that’s not what i wish you. life’s already making you pay your lust overdose, your abusing people’s misery. you know that. i know that. but you still smiled when i waved at you today. and i smiled also. you disgust me… but i smiled. i guess we’re both hypocrites. and yet i still feel that i have the right to scorn you…

so you want to know what’s pathetic? this girl is pathetic… do you want to know why she is pathetic? well, it’s simple. a girl that spends all her time thinking about someone that isn’t thinking about her… hum that’s nothing less than pathetic. not being able to let go, when the person you’re obsessed about doesn’t give a shit… so you sit, you feel bad about yourself. you try to convince yourself you shouldn’t, that there was nothing that was supposed to make you feel that way. why…why the fuck are you making such a big deal about it? yes. you are pathetic… but liking someone is not about being pathetic, it’s about knowing that you are and STILL not caring. and admit it, that’s lame…  oh no but you don’t care, you’re there… in your room, you drank amaretto and your head is spinning. do you care now? you still don’t. you’re starring at your mac’ s white and shinny screen and all these people IM.ing you on MSN. you don’t care… and you know what’s even more pathetic about your situation: you’re gonna keep all that shit inside… you’re not gonna tell anyone how you really feel. your head is still spinning, your throat is burning you to death, you feel like you’re gonna throw up… you don’t care, and he doesn’t either. he doesn’t even know what your doing… he’s out with his friends. and you’re not blaming him, at all you’re actually very happy for him. you care so much about him that you forget about your head that is spinning, about you wanting to throw up… you care so much about him that you’re not gonna answer to the peeps on MSN… why would you anyways? you know you’re not gonna tell them anything that is true you’re simply gonna reply « Ça va bien et toi? » to all their « Comment vas tu? »s… lies. hypocrisy. all that shit because you don’t have the guts to go and tell somebody… how he makes you feel. you’re sitting there like a naïve little girl and the only thing you can do… is whispering: «i hate him for being him & making me care that much when he doesnt care at all.»… and watch your head spinning…

some people just come out of nowhere, and stay in your mind like forever. and you spend days wondering how you managed all this time without knowing them… some people make you feel ashamed of not being like them… everyone does bad stuff, but some people seem perfect even with some of the bad things they do. they’re cool like that. and you end up thinking that they’re so cool that you start feeling bad & asking yourself: does he think i’ m cool also? but even when you get to the point of convincing yourself that he does, you start feeling bad again: he may think i’ m cool, but i’ m not as cool as he is. and he knows it. therefore, every « loool » or smile you get from those people, is worth so freaking much, and gives you the illusion of being cool also… for a while. some people say stuff that no one else say, they react a way no one else does… so you, « normal little you », even though you don’t wanna sound girly or corny … you have to admit they’re special. special to the point where you’re like replaying on and on every sentence you heard coming out of their mouth… just like a cool song, never getting tired of it. so you sit there like an idiot, smiling for no reason… no explainable reason, no understandable reason. and other people, the ones that aren’t cool… think you’re crazy. but this time, you don’t give a rat’s ass about what they say. you really don’t. all this because some people… actually taught you how not to care.

yep. and again… you find yourself wondering how you spent all your life not knowing them… even if they don’t get it, even if you cant find a normal way of making them understand that they’re soooo notttt like everyone else… and even if they’ll never think you’re as awesome as you think they are… you’re just happy you met these people & grateful that they can sit and hear the all the nonsense you’re alway saying… without telling you you’re bothering 🙂